AKA “How I Almost Died at Lunch Today”

The afternoon was like any other. Myself, hung over and tired, invited officemate and writer extraordinaire Joe Donatelli to get some lunch at local hot spot Thai Boom. We thought it would be a quick walk down the street to pick up our food. We thought we’d be back in a few minutes. We thought we’d be safe. We were wrong. What had started as a lovely summer afternoon quickly devolved into a nightmare of crime, anxiety, fear, and heavy artillery.

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Well, the World Cup ended yesterday if you didn’t notice (and if you’re an American, you might not have). I was hoping that this would be the year that I’d really start to enjoy the nuance and intricacies of the game, but after the US got eliminated I found it really hard to care at all. Here’s why: Continue Reading

I’m not normally a sports guy, but this LeBron thing fascinates me. As poor Cleveland mourns the loss of a huge asshole, Miami sports fans created an impromptu welcoming committee for their newest player. Local officials are calling it the largest sports-based assembly in the city’s history.

Local police feared the gathering could reach into the double digits.

Though less than an hour from his official announcement, NotZombies.com has learned that LeBron James will be, against all predictions, joining The Spirits of St Louis. The rumor is that LeBron favors the ABA’s fast-paced offense and generous 30-second shot clock. In recent weeks LeBron has locked himself away and has been working on a move called a “slam-dunk.” The first photo of LeBron at practice with the Spirits was leaked just minutes ago.

This deal should give the Spirits a distinct advantage over the Anaheim Amigos and the Minnesota Muskies.