television

The Bachelorette: Finally, er, Finale

2 Comments 23 July 2012

Well, it’s that time. I’m back from Japan, all caught up on what I missed, and ready to get this crap over with. Harrison is promising us a very heart-wrenching finale. But they lie pretty much constantly. Remember Arie’s big scandal a few weeks ago that I missed? Yeah, it was so horrible that they resolved it OFF CAMERA. Groan.

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television

The Bachelorette: Got Any Croatian in You?

8 Comments 20 June 2012

Well here we are, late as always. I have some bad news for my constant readers at the end, but for now Emily is in Croatia and I suppose we should talk about it. Why is Emily in Croatia? I do not know, but she finally left Ricki at home, so we aren’t beaten over the head with an opening “mommy” montage. As we arrive the skies are cold and lifeless like my dead heart so hey, let’s do this!

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television

The Bachelorette: Baggage Claim

2 Comments 13 June 2012

Usually this show isn’t so bad about this time. The crew heads out to a foreign country, there are still some weirdos left (some of whom are usually great blog fodder), I’ve started to narrow down who the funniest people are, and the dates are usually at least kind of amusing. Not so much this year. Emily is so nice and so boring. Maybe it’s the edit. It’s probably the edit. But Christ, talk about a good show to nap to. Let’s get down to it.

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television

The Bachelorette: Now We’re Getting Somewhere

7 Comments 06 June 2012

Just to be clear, when I saw “now we’re getting somewhere” I don’t mean that we’re making any meaningful progress, but rather that the show is literally moving locations to (apparently freezing cold) Bermuda. The bros are, needless to say, very pumped. I have to apologize for being late, again, but you can blame the funniest web series ever, and pitch-perfect Bachelor parody, Burning Love. If you like Party Down, it’s a lot of the same cast.
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television

The Bachelorette: Thinning the Herd

5 Comments 30 May 2012

Here we are in the lazy days of late spring and it’s time for the shepherd to cull the flock, so to speak. There are still men on this show that they have never shown speak for more than 5 seconds. Think about that. This is the worst-produced, worst-edited show on primetime network television. It’s like they’re casting a horror movie the way they pad the cast with expendable douche bags. These guys have body sprays to shop for, gyms to get to, women to roofie, they don’t have time to be on your show and NOT get camera time!
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