One of Joe Donatelli‘s friends on Facebook mentioned that someone should do a zombie version of Downton Abbey. Well, if you insist.

Click for the big version (and zoom in when you get to it).

The original.

A little bit about our heroes and zombies:

• This whole thing probably took 12 hours. I have no life.
• Clearly it’s the Lordship and his family that contract the virus and the staff that have to deal with the outbreak.
• Part of Downton Abbey caught on fire, hence the burnt daughter (who I guess would be Edith).
• If the zombies look familiar, they’re all Walking Dead zombies, except the Dowager, who I did by hand, because she’s my favorite.
• Isobel Crawley took a gun shot to the gut. Mostly because I wanted to see if I could photoshop a gun shot. Also, the zombie I used for her is clearly too young. The world goes on.
• Thomas has taken the completely selfish route, opting for the defensive flak jacket. Don’t let the grenades fool you—those are for defending his food stores.
• O’Brien has the chainsaw, of course. She will use it on humans or zombies, she doesn’t really care. I would have armed her with a bar of soap but, well, that’s not very fun, is it?
• The rest of the weapons go like this:
• Carson: silenced 9mm, shuriken.
• Mrs Hughes: shotgun, house keys.
• Mrs Patmore: broad sword, guilt trips.
• Daisy: nothing. Daisy is worthless.
• Gwen: too far back to photoshop. Sorry, Gwen.
• William: suit of armor, axe. Naturally William went for the suit of armor. He didn’t even know about the zombies yet, he was just sleeping in it.
• Mr Bates: .357 Magnum. Bates does NOT f around.
• Anna: kitchen knife. Which she will use on ANYONE or ANYTHING that gets between her and Mr Bates.

Ok, what do you think? Do we have any doubt that a zombie attack on the Abbey would result in Thomas and O’Brien killing everyone in their path on their way to the safe room? And then Thomas locking Mrs O’Brien out once they got there?

Leave comments and like/share or I swear to God I will turn this blog right around and head home.

1. The central unifying theme of both shows is integrity. I know many shows aim for this goal, but both Battlestar Galactica and Downton Abbey succeed, and are among the many shows that have, which I guess earns them the right to be compared. Like almost every show ever made, both shows are about right and wrong. Overlook the fact that they are set 150,000 years apart in different parts of the galaxy. The main characters from both shows follow—or don’t follow—a moral code and they suffer or reap the consequences as a result. And when I say “follow—or don’t follow” I’m pretty much negating that entire sentence. So I guess you can ignore it. I’m either breathing—or I’m not breathing—air. Also, please note the use of the mighty em dash in my sentence and not the lowly en dash.

2. Realism and romanticism. Battlestar Galactica and Downton Abbey offer characters that show both how people really do act and how they should. This is why the characters on both shows are beloved. On another show about power and morals, West Wing, you had characters who acted like Aaron Sorkin wished people would act, but seldom realistically. On The Wire you had people acting like journalist David Simon really thinks they act, which is seldom romantic. But on these two shows, some characters act as people should act and some act as people really do and how this affects their relationships makes for great stories. Funny, I could probably write another 2 articles saying THOSE shows are really similar to Downton Abbey. Hm.

3. Strong, older female lead. I would like to go out for margaritas with Cora, Countess of Grantham and President Laura Roslin sometime.

4. Strong, older male lead. I would also like to have a scotch with Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham and Admiral William Adama.

5. All local life revolves around one really freaking (frakking?) important building (a spaceship’s a building). Downton Abbey and Battlestar Galactica.

6. Many characters fighting for access to opportunity. For example: Lt. Kara “Starbuck” Thrace and Gwen Dawson.

7. Neither show is over-written. There are many “small” moments and scenes with unspoken dialogue.

8. Viewers actually care about the characters. Neither is a ratings monster, but both are beloved because of their excellent characters.

9. A strong-willed oldest daughter who is often inexplicably stupid and naive. Starbuck (for all intents and purposes the daughter Adama never had) and Lady Mary, both of whom would break some hearts and probably get arrested if they went on spring break together. Both of whom probably smell awful.

10. Each show has a character who has a handicap. Colonel Saul Tigh (eyeball)/Felix Gaeta (missing leg) and Mister Bates.

11. The fleet of the 12 Colonies and 1916 England are both conservative at a time when the rest of the galaxy is changing. Lots of pride in England and the 12 Colonies, a feeling of being on top (or in space), and lots of reluctance to see things change. Or find Earth.

12. Both shows were created by actors. Glen A Larson (HE WAS IN GIDGET!) and Julian Fellowes.

13. War figures prominently into the lives of characters. WWI and the Second Cylon War.

14. Both shows revolve around dynastic heirs. To the Crawley fortune and to the command of the Galactica (Commander Bill Adam and Galactica CAG Lee “Apollo” Adama, and let’s not forget legal eagle grandfather Joseph Adama or militant rebel fighter great grandfather William Adama Sr).

15. Both shows feature strong marriages. The Crawleys and uh, hey, how about that sexual tension between Adama and President Roslin, huh?

Hey Joe, how m’nuts taste? I can keep going too.

16. Both shows were diamonds on total crap channels. PBS? Ew. Why are low budget pledge drives preferable to Nike commercials? And have you seen the shit that Sci-fi—excuse me—Syfy produces? How did these two awful outlets manage to make something almost popular?

17. Both shows start with a horrible large-scale tragedy. The Titanic. The surprise Cylon attack.

18. Both shows feature closeted homosexual relationships. Thomas the asshole footman and Felix Gaeta the asshole helmsman.

19. Both shows have two-word titles. Do you really need me to prove this?

20. Both shows feature cold, calculated individuals who end up having human emotion and flaws. Downton has the elder Crowleys and Charles Carson. Battlestar has actual robots.

20. Both shows consistently feature gleaming metal. Downton servants are either carrying or polishing large silver serving dishes or candelabras in pretty much every scene. Again, Battlestar, robots.

Joe, all good dramas feature characters with integrity fighting to do what’s right and succeeding because they don’t compromise. All good dramas feature callow, selfish people acting horribly and ultimately suffering the consequences. Quit telling people that Downton Abbey is like Friday Night Lights or they’ll wonder why Downton doesn’t get split in half in the third season with Robert Crawley being forced to be the manor of some other Abbey.

Note: I’ve only seen two episodes of Downton Abbey. For all I know the servants and family members team up and win the state football championship at the end of season 1, in which case, Joe, you were right. And don’t you dare pull-quote that last half sentence.

XOXO,

b.

The Winners

Misfits: This started in 2010, but I didn’t start watching it until early this year. Misfits is like Heroes if it didn’t suck and had a sense of humor. It’s a British show (but now available on Hulu) about a group of young adults that are on a work release program that end up getting super powers during a freak storm. They are not at all heroic and just wind up getting in trouble. Well shot, well acted, dramatic when it needs to be, hilarious at times, and always awesome. Series 3 (British television has “series” not “seasons”) just finished. It wasn’t quite as strong as the previous 2, but it’s still great. All of seasons 1 and 2 and part of season 3 are on Hulu.

The Fades: A little darker than Misfits, The Fades is also a British show. Awkward teen Paul realizes he can see ghosts (“Fades”) and has to deal with the fall-out when The Fades decide they want to be human again. Paul’s best friend Mac serves as the pop culture expert and emotional center of the show. Every episode starts with a recap narrated by Mac but they do it in a really cool way. Great looking show, good makeup effects, interesting story and mythology. Probably my favorite show that actually started in 2011. The Fades starts on BBCAmerica January 14th. Set your DVRs.

Friday Night Lights: So, this actually did air in 2011, but I didn’t watch it until November, and once I started I watched the entire series in 2 weeks. That’s like 4-5 episodes A DAY. I liked it that much. One of my favorite shows ever. I’d chastise people for not telling me to watch it, but pretty much everyone did, so I can’t. High School football is a big deal in small-town Dillon, Texas. FNL follows new Coach Eric Taylor as he takes over the Dillon Panthers and tries to get them to state. The show loses focus on football pretty quickly and instead follows the drama around the players, the coach, and their families and friends. Just awesome stuff. Good teen drama. Good family drama. Coach Taylor and his wife are my favorite married couple in TV history. Teary-eyed quotient is high. Watch it so every time someone says “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” you can nod knowingly. On Netflix streaming so you have no excuse.

Breaking Bad: I almost didn’t put this on the list because it’s been on for a while and I think I just take the quality for granted. But there’s at least one scene in every episode of Breaking Bad that is genius. If you don’t know about this show then you must live under a rock. And if you’re not watching it, you’re making a mistake. The first two episodes are brilliant. They play out like a movie. One of the best shot shows on television. Seasons 1-3 are on Netflix streaming. Season 4 finished in October on AMC and is currently being rerun there. Season 5 will be the final season but possibly split into two 8-episode mini seasons. No premiere date yet.

Luther: Another British show but not the last on this list. Series 1 of Luther aired in 2010 and series 2 aired in 2011. I actually already talked about Luther, so read that to catch up. Series 2 didn’t have quite the snap of series 1, but I still really enjoyed it, especially the finale. Idris Elba is the F*ing man (he scored a Golden Globe nom for Luther last year and an Emmy nom this year). The downside to series 2: it was only 4 episodes, which is kind of weak. Luther series 1 is on Netflix streaming. Series 2 is on DVD and I’m sure will be on Netflix soon. Series 3 has been commissioned but no premiere date yet.

Skins: Ok, here’s my final favorite British show of the year. It probably shouldn’t even be on here since I only watched series 1 and 2 and those aired ages ago. But I watched them when I got bored this summer because a couple friends said it was good. Skins is basically just a teen drama but with teens that actually do drugs and have sex and swear. I watched about 5 minutes of the US version and wanted to kill myself, but the UK version is awesome and was the kind of show where I would watch 2-3 episodes in a row. Loved it. They changed out almost the entire cast after the 2nd series and I was told that it took a big hit in quality, but you should definitely check out the first two series if you were into shows like Dawson’s Creek or Felicity back in the day. It’s like a more brutal, real, British version of those. Streaming on Netflix.

Game of Thrones: Beautifully shot. Badass dudes with swords. Rampant sex. And the most awesome dwarf ever (Emmy winner Peter Dinklage). If you’ve ever liked any movie or show that had knights and swords in it, then you’ll like this show. Also, Shakespearean political conniving and back-stabbing. Nominated for 13 Emmys this year. Catch it on HBO GO or DVD. Season 2 starts in April. Winter is coming.

Shit I Hated

Terra Nova: Awful effects. Silly characters that actually changed mid-pilot. Trivial plots that have little to do with the fact these people are living with dinosaurs. Bad acting. What a let-down.

The Killing: What started as a beautifully shot, well-acted, interesting murder mystery with great characters turned into a beautifully shot, well-acted piece of shit. Halfway through the season the sheer misery of Rosie Larsen’s family started to wear on me, so you can imagine how I felt by the end. The ONE cool novelty of this show, that there would be one mystery that WOULD BE solved by the end, was totally abandoned via one of the most betraying plot twists in the history of television. Frustrating doesn’t even begin to describe this show. Such a shame.

Honorable Mentions

Homeland: Everyone and their mothers (literally, my mom loved this show) was talking about Homeland this December. And not for nothing. I finally caved and watched it. Did not really enjoy the first few episodes, but definitely caught the bug by around episode 5 and was fully on board by the finale. Which I HATED. Highlight to read if you’ve seen it: The last 3 or so episodes build and build to this showdown between Brody and Carrie. Brilliantly so. She becomes more and more unhinged, we learn more about Brody, find out that he really IS a suicide bomber, and they ratchet the tension up to the one event when he’s finally going to kill the VP and Carrie will get vindicated and then… naw, just kidding. Nothing’s resolved. Classic American television. Just drags you along until you lose interest. I hate it. The first hour of the finale was awesome, too. Season 2 goes into production in Spring with a probable late Fall premiere.

Downton Abbey: Not one single person has been able to tell me why I should watch this show aside from “it’s so good!” which annoys the crap out of me. But man, it sounds awful. I plan on giving it a go this weekend, just because everyone likes it and I’m including it here because I’m actually going to recommend it without having seen it. Also, it’s on Netflix Streaming (series 1 anyway) and I love that. Series 2 already aired in the UK and premieres January 8th on PBS here in the states. PBS. Ew. Series 3 should start airing this September in the UK.

Notably Absent

Mad Men: Don’t worry, Joe. I’m sure it’ll be back at some point.

Sherlock: Managed to skip 2011, but DID premiere on New Year’s Day last week in the UK. It didn’t quite live up the series 1, but I did enjoy it and am looking forward to the other 2 episodes.

Ok, that’s it for now. I’m sure I missed about 20 shows, feel free to discuss in the comments. No spoilers please, I know a lot of people that are planning to watch Homeland but haven’t yet. Besides, I know all you people only want to talk about Downton Abbey for whatever reason. Ian, I’m looking at you.

UPDATE

Forgot Suits. Loved this show. It fits nicely into USA’s “brogramming”. It’s a lot smarter than TNT’s frat-law Franklin and Bash (which I find enjoyable, just not great). The two leads have an awesome give-and-take and the set-up (law school drop out/hustler but legal genius cons his way into a big firm) is awesome. Definitely check it out when it comes back this summer.

Good work, Joe. Tell Bruno “hi” for me the next time you see him.

It’s even worse in full motion. Guess the dude just loves music.