humor, tech

Apple Announces 2nd Gen iPad

Apple Announces 2nd Gen iPad

16 Comments 09 February 2010

In one of the most shocking moves in recent consumer electronics history Steve Jobs took the stage at Yerba Buena Center today to announce the 2nd Generation iPad, dubbed the 3Gs.

Jobs’ tone was borderline apologetic as he started the press conference with a “mea culpa” regarding the recently announced iPad, going so far as to admit to being “stoned as a motherfucker” when he thought it up back in the early ’80s with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak.

Jobs showed an old press photo of him and Wozniak and the "iBong" as they called it.

Jobs shows an old press photo of him, Wozniak and the "iBong."

Jobs proceeded to delight and dazzle the gathered bloggers and industry insiders with a newer, smaller version of the device. “A lot of people said that the iPad was too big. That it didn’t have a camera. That you couldn’t make calls. That it didn’t have GPS. That it wasn’t widescreen. Well we heard you. And today we are proud to announce the iPad 3Gs.”

Jobs poses with the new dimunitive device.

Jobs poses with the new dimunitive device.

“It’s 85% smaller than the iPad and yet retains almost 100% of the functionality. We think it’s pretty amazing.” Jobs then continued to praise the device as “revolutionary,” “game-changing,” “beautiful,” and even went so far as to call the iPad 3Gs “magical” a record-breaking 14 times.

The "s" stands for "Speed," "Small," and "Simple," Jobs said.

The "s" stands for "Speed," "Small," and "Simple," Jobs said.

Among the new features are a phone, a GPS which kind of works like a real GPS if you have someone with you to read out intersections and upcoming turns, a 3 megapixel camera, a widescreen, and more.

Press material from Apple

Press material from Apple.

After announcing the new device and demoing some of its features Jobs dropped another bomb on the audience. “With the first generation iPad releasing in less than a month, we know you’re going to be curious when the second generation iPad is coming out. Well I can tell you today that it is available right now at all Apple and AT&T stores.”

The iPad 3Gs will mark the first time in consumer electronics history that the second generation of a product actually beats the first iteration to the market.

The Twitterverse lit up with buzz and speculation. Self-confessed Apple-addict John Mayer tweeted, “Buying iPad 2G ASAP. Not sure what it is or looks like but sure it will change everything!!!!!1111!!!” while Walt Mossberg tweeted simply, “Just came.”

John Mayer weighs in via Twitter.

John Mayer weighs in via Twitter.

The press conference ended with Bono, The Edge, Steven Tyler, Jason Mraz, Mary J. Blige, Lil Wayne, Stevie Nicks, Jimmy Page, and Ringo Starr performing an acoustic version of the Joe Esposito classic “You’re The Best Around” from The Karate Kid Part 1. A live version of the performance is available on iTunes for $.99 or fans can purchase a DRM-free version for $13.99 that includes stick-figure artwork by Ringo Starr and a music video of the song set to video of the artists using the new iPad. Proceeds go directly to Haiti Relief Relief, a non-profit created to provide support services to support services in Haiti.

Vegan cakes in the shape of the Apple logo were served to press and fans afterwards, who took the opportunity to compare MacBooks and congratulate one another.

Consumers with more money than brains gathered around the new iPad while mustached man stands guard, discusses mustache with curious on-lookers.

Press and excited fans gather around the new iPad while a mustachioed Apple employee stands guard, looks down on them.

Your Comments

16 Comments so far

  1. CCap says:

    I’m trying to support Haiti Relief Relief, but I can’t find this on itunes!!

  2. That Web Guy says:

    The funniest thing I’ve read all week. Nice 1.

  3. dan says:

    That was fantastic, magical even.

  4. Bird says:

    Why do people feel compelled to leave a negative comment when something doesn’t resonate with them? It’s in fact an oxymoron Silly transparent people! They have in fact betrayed their disinterest by commenting. Funny shit!!! 😀 And I actually think Justin must have simply been describing himself. In fact, it could only be that.

  5. Ha ha ha ha the part about Lil Wayne and the Karate Kid theme killed me.

  6. Nicely-written article, as well as humorous. My favorite part of it is the photo caption. Another thing that I found funny is the idea of this iPad 3gs. It looks very much like an iTouch!


Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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