Boingboing posted this Police safety video on the dangers of hidden knives and it cracked me up. I decided to do a little walk through high-lighting my favorite parts. Join me, won’t you?
First, here’s the video:
0:05- Ok, now, right off the bat they show us a collection of weapons taken from a local school. Itemized list (and it looks like there’s more off-screen!):
World’s least safe student body. Jesus. Definitely not my high school—Carmel High School (in lovely Carmel-By-The-Sea, California).
0:14- Single-sided blade? Rook.
0:22- You have to love the ethnic flair he gives the pronunciation of the “Mexican SACATRIPE!” Used for gutting sheep… AND OTHER WARM BLOODED ANIMALS!! (hint: he means you.) [ed note: I guessed at the spelling of sacatripe. I can’t find it anywhere on the internet and think he might have made it up]
0:29- “Does anyone have an ‘igniter’ for my cigarette? Oh. Thank y—OH GOD! OH GOD! HE CUT ME!”
0:56- Ok, seriously, does that blade not look a LITTLE big to fold into that handle?
1:06- Apparently this can crush a human skull. Really? Is “crush” the right word?
1:13- This knife can be fired from a gun. First of all, is that really a danger of a concealed knife? If they have it concealed in the barrel of a rifle is it really a hidden danger? “It’s ok, it’s only a AK-47. WAIT, WAIT! THERE’S A KNIFE JAMMED IN THE BARREL!! GET DOWN!” Second, can we get some video of this? And why is it not a secondary weapon option in Call of Duty?
1:19- This lipstick knife is “popular with prostitutes.” They’re making this up, right?
1:31- I’m sorry. What this knife called again? My attention totally wandered.
1:43- This fish hook is carefully placed to “rip” a cop’s finger on a pat-down. What kind of wacky criminal does this? And wouldn’t it just kind of poke the cop and piss him off?
1:48- Hahaha, the producers put the razor blades in backwards, so it would just cut the shit out of your scalp. Also, they say it’s designed to be taken off and swung. Are you fucking kidding me? It’s like Napoleon Dynamite thought this up. And last, like no one would notice this shit walking into a ball game or a bar.
2:00- Ok, truth be told, this one could have definitely come from one of the delinquents at my Middle School in shop class. And I love the dildo handle.
This is around the 2:35 mark, and if nothing else, I beseech you to watch this part, if only for the sound effect it makes as he pretend-stabs Officer Pedophile in the cock.
2:42- This video is from an era when white people thought all Asians knew martial arts. Casting call: “Asian male, 30s. Martial arts experience not necessary.”
3:18- Watch him struggle to remove this knife from under his shirt and then flail about with it like the Star Wars Kid.
3:22- Inexplicably happy in a headband!
3:24- AND THEN HE DANCES!
The best part of this video is I didn’t even cover all the absurd shit that happens. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Again, thanks to Boingboing!