The Bachelorette: Blood Sport

The Bachelorette: Blood Sport

5 Comments 21 June 2011

Another week, another episode of the third worst show on television. This week the crew’s staying in Thailand but heading north to Chiang Mai. All I know is Bentley might be back and there’s some sort of Muay Thai fight. I guess that means at least two good things this week.

Ben F gets the first date, so Ashley got together with the producers, thought about the perfect date for him, and then decided, f**k it, let’s go shopping again.

Ashley has weird taste in dudes. Ben F and her don’t have anything interesting to say to each other, he isn’t particularly good looking, and they don’t do anything that cool either. And yet she tells us in confessional that she could see herself falling in love with Ben F. Huh? Why?

The next date is a group date at a Thai prison where the guys get worked over.

Well, not quite. It’s Muay Thai fighting, which is like a gift from the producers to all the bored viewers. You’re going to let these boneheads get in a ring and just throw down? Great!

The two notable match-ups:

JP Gordon-Levitt took some early shots from Weird Mouth Mickey but came back with a fury and won his fight.

“Happy” Ryan and Mongloid Ames (I was almost certain Ames would be like “I trained in Muay Thai for 2 years in Thailand” but instead he was like, “What’s an upper cut and what are these weird hats for?”) had the most deadly match up. Ryan just gave Ames a beating. Not sure if it was because he heard they were fighting for a purse or because Ames took the pink gloves, but he clocked Ames pretty good.

Everyone thinks Ames is really hurt but it’s hard to tell if he took any new brain damage or if it’s just his standard slightly-retarded look. They end up carting him off to the hospital to have his vagina examined.

At the cocktail party Ashley dresses like a Thai hooker, but I’m not complaining.

The mood is subdued as everyone worries about Ames and whether or not his ovaries were injured when Ryan slapped him. Spoiler: he’s fine and shows up after a few minutes. Blake, the other dentist, gets the rose, apparently for complaining that he wasn’t getting enough affection from Ashley. Strategy duly noted.

The next day is the two-on-one date with Ben C and the world’s worst stand-up comic/Radioshack employee, William.

William goes straight-up bitch and narcs on Ben C for talking about looking forward to dating sites once he leaves. Ben says he was joking, but Ashley kicks him to the curb anyway. Not that I liked Ben C and his crazy steroid jaw, but man, I hate William even more now.

It’s cool though because Ashley throws William’s rose in the fire after he refers to himself as a 30-year-old-boy. What an idiot. Later dude. Maybe your local Applebee’s has an open mic night.

At the pre-Rose Ceremony, Ashley starts off by once again expressing doubt that guys are there for the right reasons. This show is not the place for her self-loathing and complete lack of self-confidence. She’ll never believe that a guy is there for her and not for the cameras and THAT is why this show won’t work for her. At all. It already failed her on The Bachelor and for the same reasons. Oh well.

During drinks Ashley refuses to be happy around the guys or even say anything honest or open to them. Why? This:

Ashley talks to Chris Harrison about Bentley and says that she feels like there was something there. For some reason Harrison continues to lie to her and doesn’t tell her about the “real” Bentley that we all know and love. Why don’t the producers just go, “Look, he was totally playing you. We have HOURS of footage of him openly mocking you”? Reason: it’s not great TV. Anyway, long story short: False teaser last week. They’re not bringing Bentley back this week. Bullshit man.

Ashley hands out the roses and there are no surprises. The guy that never spoke on the show does not get a rose (see above). I assume it’s because he’s wearing a contrast collar. Definitely not surprising.

Ok, that’s it for me this week. Bentley is definitely, maybe, probably back next week, so that should be interesting. If she lets him back on, all of these dudes should just quit. I mean, hopefully at least one will.

Peace out people. If you aren’t following me on Twitter, what’s wrong with you?

Your Comments

5 Comments so far

  1. Salty Ned says:

    I’m trying to get onboard but all of Ashley H’s insecurities and self-doubt make her a terrible bachelorette. That and her pant-suit. That was shiteous.

  2. LameBachAddict says:

    Your post was great.
    This show is horrible.
    Ashley’s hair looked horrible at the rose ceremony.
    The guy who got the boot needs to use some conditioner in his hair.
    Mickey needs to go, I don’t think he said a word either, and his mouth is most definetly weird.
    Did I say this show sucks already?

  3. LameBachAddict says:

    What is taking you so long to recap last nights episode? I depend on you to kill a few minutes of my workday, sadly I had to work today instead of read your blog.


    • Brian says:

      Someone got dressed in the dark and put on their cranky pants this morning. I had problems getting the episode last night, so I haven’t even watched yet. I’ll try to get it up tonight.

      • LameBachAddict says:

        haha…you are the second person that told me something similiar to that today. The other person was a co worker, hmmm….maybe it was true, maybe I was cranky today. Anyway, hop to it please.

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