television

The Bachelorette: Hong Kong Phooey

The Bachelorette: Hong Kong Phooey

7 Comments 29 June 2011

This show just gets worse and worse and worse. I don’t even really want to write about it, so we’re just going to run through this real quick.

First, Bentley shows up. And all the teasers make it look like Ashley lets him back in the game. We all know how full of shit the producers are though, so I don’t even get my hopes up. They meet in one of the hotel rooms and he sits there with that smug asshole grin on his face the whole.

He doesn’t give her much, but enough for her to figure out that he doesn’t have feelings for her. She’s like, “Why would you fly here then?” And I wish he would’ve just been like “Because they paid me, duh.”

After she goes through some anger at Bently, she lets it go (only not really because she brings him up about every 3 minutes and how OVER him she is). Then it’s time for the first one-on-one date with this dude:

It’s possibly the most boring thing I’ve ever sat through (that’s not true, I watch Treme and The Killing). He gets a rose for almost no reason.

Next day is the Detour group date. Can you say “filler”? The dudes have to go out and recruit normal people to paddle their stupid white asses around. I can’t believe they get anyone to help. After the “race” they all go to a generic hotel bar that they’re all strangely impressed by.

Ames and Ashley molest each other in the elevator but then Ryan ends up getting the rose. Which is hilarious because the guys HATE Ryan. Like really, really hate him.

They’re all on the verge of quitting after he gets the rose.

The next night it’s time for Ashley’s one-on-one date with JP. Which goes really well. Boring as hell. Goes well. JP is probably the only guy on the show that I’d want to hang with. I want him to win so he’ll “win” but I also kind of want him to lose so he can find someone better. Ashley tells him about Bentley and he’s pretty chill about it.

Because telling JP about Bentley went so well, she decides to tell ALL of the guys. Why? I don’t know. They don’t take it nearly as well (especially after Ryan got the rose) and we get the best part of the episode—all the dudes questioning her and telling her how disappointed they are and pretty much just being mean. It’s awesome. Mickey’s so pissed about it he quits. Slow clap for Mickey, everyone. I almost feel bad for making fun of his weird mouth.

Time to hand out some roses. Since Mickey already quit just one lucky dude is spared a fate with Ashley. It comes down to Ames, who dry-humped/tongue-raped Ashley in an elevator, and Blake, who never had a one-on-one and made her feel like shit over Bentley. For some reason they edit it dramatically like we don’t know which she’ll pick. The fact that Blake is ACTUALLY a dentist, and not just a student pretending to be a dentist, makes her feel inadequate, so she sends him home.

That’s it for this week. I can’t believe a show that is TWO hours every week can possibly move this slowly. There’s like 20 episodes left. The Voice was like, 5 episodes total. Anyway, next week the crew is off to Taiwan. Hopefully they will do absolutely nothing specific to that island like they did this week.

Again, follow me on Twitter. You can harass me about lagging on these recaps.

Your Comments

7 Comments so far

  1. Kate says:

    You neglected to mention my favorite part of the episode, when the Caveman dude is like, “Who was the biggest skeptic? THIS GUY RIGHT HERE.” I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

    Mickey is awesome. I got the sense he was never that into this show anyway, so good for him for up and leaving. Blake really shoulda done the same, it was so obvious he was going home.

    And Ashley, honey, saying “I’m finally so over him!” and “I didn’t think about him once” just proves you’re NOT OVER HIM. Though I don’t get why the guys were so upset, since now they get Rebound Ashley, and she’s bound to put out.

    • Brian says:

      Hahaha, I forgot about the self-point. Yeah that was a missed op. I watched that part on my couch and forgot about it.

  2. Liotte says:

    I think that ABC needs to call Brad’s therapist that kept showing up and have him get some major sessions in with Ashley. She is a wreck.
    I want JP to last til the top 3, then get sent home but ONLY because then he can be the Bachelor next season.

  3. LameBachAddict says:

    This recap was decent, but I can tell your heart wasn’t in it, and that makes me sad. When your into it you write really funny stuff. I hope this doesn’t mean you will stop. Do you think of this as a chore? You should think of it as a way to spread humor, your great writing talent, and your comic capability to your readers. Now i feel bad for rushing you, perhaps I was the reason for this lackluster recap. And I mean that as a compliment. 🙂 I know the show is boring, YOU are the main reason some of us watch the show. Just so we can read your blog afterwards. I know that pretty much says we are lame, and have no lives, but it is true for me at least.

    I did laugh at the way you distorted Ames face. Now that was funny, cause it was subtle, but still noticeable. He is one ugly dude. Here’s to next week and you being back to your old self.

  4. Salty Ned says:

    Where are the helicopters?


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