I finally got around to watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand, which is literally just a 300 and Gladiator mash-up (like if King Leonidas got shanghaied on the way to the fight the Persians and had to fight in the arena as a gladiator to get back to this wife). It’s not nearly executed with the artistry of 300, nor the acting and epic plot of Gladiator. They DO try hard though, and it’s super bloody. But the best part is EASILY toward the end of the first episode when I realized that Spartacus looks EXACTLY like Jesus. And then it became my favorite show of all time for the next 24 hours or so. Check the stills:

Exactly like Passion of the Christ, right? But then it gets awesome because Jesus Christ is like, FUCK THIS NOISE! And fights back:

OMG! That just happened! Jesus cut that dude’s legs OFF! The crowd goes bat shit and they start chanting:

And then the he powers up and tridents this dude:

Anyway, they cut his hair in the second episode and he’s no longer Warrior Jesus, which bums me out. They try to make up for it by showing Xena’s boobs, but the damage is done. I’ll continue to watch for the blood and hope that the action picks up and they stop trying to create political intrigue. Guys, you’re not Rome. Embrace your action side and let warrior Jesus reign over the domain of man.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand is on Starz Friday nights. Check it out.

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