zombies

The ICS 880F4 Chainsaw

The ICS 880F4 Chainsaw

6 Comments 30 October 2009

If you’ll allow me a moment to hop up on my high horse, chainsaws as a useful defense against zombies is the stuff of fantasy. Yet even my beloved Left 4 Dead 2 seems to glamorize this least practical of weapons. They’re unwieldy, loud, unpredictable, and require an energy source. At worst they’re a dinner bell for dead heads, at best they’re blood-spewing, solitary target-killing accidents waiting to happen (maybe those should be reversed). Point is, until we actually learn how a zombie virus is transmitted, we should probably lay off weapons that will spray blood across the room and aerosolize the virus (if it ends up being blood-borne).

Ok, parent-mode OFF. Chainsaws kick ass. And nary as much as the ICS 880F4 Concrete Saw. We’re talking 17.5 horses whipping a diamond-encrusted chain around at 6,400 RPM. Whip this out at your next zombie siege and it might be the first time the undead actually turn tail and run. Does it require a pressurized water supply to run? Yeah. Does it spit out 88 dB? Yeah. Does it weigh a full 27.3 lbs? Yeah. Does it cost over $9,000 fully loaded? Yeah. But you won’t care because you’ll be too enamored with this glittering, spinning, saw of death mowing through your enemies. This is a weapon that says “I have very little sense but I don’t care because I will soon be cutting your head in half” and then just laughs maniacally for a few minutes.

If you’re thinking of a purchase you might as well go all out and get the model with the 15″ guidebar and ProFORCE Diamond Chain. Strangely not eligible for Prime shipping. Amazon.

Kill Potential: 

Practicality:

Style: !!!

Value:

Your Comments

6 Comments so far

  1. RobbDigital says:

    Sometimes I think a chainsaw is all you have in the shed. I like this post. Tell me more about zombie weapon effectiveness.

    I want to know a bit about flamethrowers…

  2. Brian says:

    Rob, if a chainsaw is all you have in the shed, you are a f–king psychopath.

    There will be much more to come regarding your everyday items that you never even realized could be weapons and there will be much more on serious weapons–including flame throwers. I’m always open to suggestions.

  3. Marcus says:

    Hey Brian,

    I’ll cut straight to the point I run a website called The Cheese
    Grater (http://thecheesegrater.co.uk) an I want to do a link exchange
    because I think your site is pretty awesome. I can see it’s new but I
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    If you have any questions I’d be happy to help and give you advice,
    then again, you could have several websites like this and could probably give me some!

    Anyway, you can delete this after you read it, I look forward to hearing from you.

  4. tangoman11 says:

    I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
    And you et an account on Twitter?

  5. Clotildes says:

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